butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
