So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
