I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize