you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
