Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
