: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
