I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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