when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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