Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
