I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
