Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
