she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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