its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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