your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
