I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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