pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
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Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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