I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im six kinds of drunk right now
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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