Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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