I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
