I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
