So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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