YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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