So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
