I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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