You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
