It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
