The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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