jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
