I puked a lego.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
