tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
