You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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