i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
