his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
