why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
