just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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