We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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