he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
