i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
