I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
