I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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