the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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