my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
where does the pee come out of this thing
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize