I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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