you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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