i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
