Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
