I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
