i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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