i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
