remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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