Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
