Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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