Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
