I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
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Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
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Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
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