drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
