Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
