Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
