I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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