making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
